9.05.2008

But Which Battle Do I Fight?

Recently I encountered a situation that, to be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of.

As humans, we are faced with situations (frequently) that require us to decide and make choices that we don't like. This is an obvious statement. But what I am faced with is this: how do I know when fight and when to back down? How do I know when I should keep on with an apparently fruitless encounter and how do I know when its honorable and acceptable to let go and let such matters attend to themselves?

In life there are countless trials that we face and always we must choose how to pursue a solution. But there occurs a time when a battle must be given up. Whether it is from lack of energy or from the insight that this battle is a fruitless pursuit.

But in lies the question: how do I know that something will not eventually bear fruit, and for not is just in a dormant state?

So instead of a long, lengthy "here is my story, here's how I'm handling it," I'm going to make this short and simple.

I fight until I have nothing left. And at times, I am willingly stupid. I have a lot of hope and trust in people that I know can (and has) been easily toyed with and abused. But I say that people will respect you for what you offer. Yes it will hurt. But in the end, I will know that I have done my best, and that God will look at me and tell me that I did well. I wasn't perfect, but He will tell me that He knows I did my best. And the people that I encounter will know that I always had their best in mind. Maybe not at the time. Because sometimes in order to truly care about them, I must first either a) let them go their separate way and choose if they want me, or b) do my best, but fall in defeat if that is what it comes to. And perhaps in failing it will be seen that I am no longer there. Or perhaps it was all in vain. Either way, I know that I have done my best and I can live my life knowing as little regret as possible. I will know that even if I did not succeed, that I did the best job that I could, and no one will remember me as the one who quit, but as the one that willing to get beat up for their sake.

But that is just me. I fear regret more than anything. And I do everything in a mindset of doing my best to deny regret a chance in my head and heart.